And the roller coaster of Melanie's thesis-related moodswings continues apace.

I'll go into more depth in a later entry about yesterday's T-beast related meltdown. For now, all you need to know is that I woke up this morning, having slept for something like 17 hours of the past 24, feeling shockingly alert and even chipper. I called my advisor, who hadn't gotten yesterday's tear-stained voicemail message, and somehow the words "I'm not going to finish writing my thesis" sounded so horrible in my head that I found myself saying something like "I was so frustrated yesterday that I was at the point of throwing my hands up in defeat," which isn't the same thing at all.

So anyway, we're meeting this afternoon and I can see that the whole stupid cycle is about to start all over again.

I don't even know what I want anymore. I just know that I got my advisor on the phone and suddenly I couldn't stand the idea of throwing all of my hard work, all of her patience, back in her face. I know I can't get this thing done for myself, but maybe I can try to get it done for her.

Ewwwwww!

Bent over to put my socks and shoes on so I could walk out the door for work and OH MY GOD, there are ants ALL OVER my foot!!

Have since found the source of the infestation (a wayward piece of corn chip on my floor) and have broken out the Ant Holocaust in a Can, but I still keep hallucinating that there are critters walking all over me.

Somehow, this is what my life has become. Jesus.